I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Ladies don't puke and tell
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
