peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
