dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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