Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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