Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Naked Twister starts at high noon
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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