dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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