Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
