Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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