i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Randomize
