Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
