Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
you win again, gameday.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
