Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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