you guys were way drunker than both of me
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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