i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
