Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
