My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
