Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
