She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
