There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
