I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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