the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
he puts the penis in happiness.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
