Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
