a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
