Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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