Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
The struggles of a small town man whore
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