im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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