i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
