Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
