consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
The air was thick with penises
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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