I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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