I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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