We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
