dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
