Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
