I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
