he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
