The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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