when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
