dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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