The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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