sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
