Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Gay?
German.
Pity.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
