that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
