She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
