i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I am spending my child support on dildos
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
