All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
