Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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