3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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