Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
