I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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