i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
