Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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