I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
