I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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