The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
