Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
