The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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