Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
