dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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