Don't you send me to vm
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
