You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
