Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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