he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
