Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
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