Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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