don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I just found a bag of teeth...
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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