Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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