he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
