I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize