We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
