you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
