You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
