you will always have a special place in my vag
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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