Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
