i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
