Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
two words...techno handjob
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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