i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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